The Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) is one of personality traits. It was researched by Elaine N. Aron in early 1990s. He then wrote a book 'The Highly Sensitive Person' which can be found everywhere now. Lately, I discovered myself a highly sensitive person after I stumbled upon a youtube video of a vlogger. I was having dinner by myself while watching videos on youtube. Then a vlog was automatically played after my previous spectacle finished. Says a girl, "Hi guysss welcome back to my chhhanel...", I kept watching because somehow this video was appealing (the opening reminded me of my sister because she always says that greeting every time I have a video call with her :p). She, the vlogger, then spoke about herself and her as a highly sensitive person, what HSP is and how it feels to be an HSP. Then all the facts she conveyed seemed to be similar to what I know about myself.

Well actually, this is just one of hundreds of personality traits people know about, like extrovert, introvert, charismatic, dutiful, sexy, etc. It seems like nothing serious about it. But seriously, it is quite exhausting to be an HSP without knowing that you are an HSP. Because once you know who you are, you will also know how to take care yourself. 

I refer to an article in The Huffington Post which more or less can give you a picture of how HSP is.

According to the article, HSP feels more deeply and emotionally reactive. I don't know how is it to other people. To me, I feel very deep about everything. Such as love, sadness, happiness, understanding, excitement, etc. I am not only reactive of what I feel, but also of what people might feel about a certain event. 

HSP prefer to exercise solo. It is explained in the article that this is because when playing in a team, there's a sense that people are watching their move. I feel the same thing when I tried squash and aerobic. Then I found out that I am still more comfortable with yoga.

HSP take longer to make decisions. This is because they consider every detail of the output but once they know what the right decision is, they will make it very quick in another time. And because they are highly sensitive, you can imagine how they feel when they make a bad or wrong decision. HSP are more prone to anxiety and depression. well, you know why. But they are also deep thinker that makes them a valuable team worker. 

HSP can be so bothered by the intense sound. To me, it also applies when I am exposed to a place with too many people. Horror and violent movies are said bad for HSP because they are also more easily to be overstimulated. I always avoid those kinds of movies as well, but there is one exceptional. I follow The Walking Dead series like crazy. Haha. I can deal with the thriller in the series because I think the violence is not on human, but dead ones which are walkers (zombies). Whatever the justification is, I just manage to deal with it because I like it. So HSP isn't that bad :D

And so on. You can find other facts on the article which I linked to here, or also take the test on a website here.

Before knowing these all, I always covered myself with self-guilt, like why am I so weak that I cry a lot, why can't I just ignore whatever and do my thing, why can't I do all the tasks at a time like people do, why didn't I stay a little bit longer when the event was going on, and why and why and other whys. That was overwhelming. 

When I understand now, I no longer curse myself for everything I can't do, instead, I know how to take care of things. Of how to control the emotion, the urge when it popped up because I am more aware of the situation and its impact on me, and most importantly, how to enjoy being me. This could also occur on you, that you or your close ones, don't really know why you are very sensitive and reactive to your surroundings, and you find it hard to control.

I don't, (and I believe we supposed not to), take this in a negative way. Instead, I am grateful for the ability to feel so deeply, that I can love my closest people passionately, to feel more connected to myself, to be so empathetic, considerate about someone's feeling and to see things beyond how others do.

Photo source

Heather

Tahun 2009
Saya termasuk penyuka film bergenre romantic comedy dan drama-romance. Karena ceritanya yang ringan dan menghibur, biasanya saya menonton film-film ini jika sedang ingin beristirahat dari tugas sekolah, atau karena lagi butuh hiburan saja. Sekitar tahun 2000 sampai tahun 2010, film dengan genre ini banyak diproduksi dan sebab itu banyak juga film komedi romantis dan drama dengan kualitas yang baik di rentang tahun ini. Kriteria film komedi romantis - drama yang baik dalam kamus saya adalah ceritanya yang tidak basi dan norak, dan akting dari pemerannya yang bagus. Kriteria kedua jadi semakin penting kalau pemerannya juga rupawan :D

Salah satu favorit saya adalah P.S. I Love You yang diperankan oleh Gerard Butler. Cerita di film ini diangkat dari novel dengan judul yang sama karya Cecelia Ahern. Saya duluan menonton film ketimbang membaca novelnya. Disamping jalan ceritanya yang bagus dan pemerannya yang keren, saya juga terkesan oleh salah satu latar ceritanya, yang tidak lain adalah lanscape-nya Irlandia. Di salah satu scene saat Holly, si pemeran wanita, sedang tersesat di sebuah taman nasional, yang menjadi konsen saya adalah tumbuhan seperti semak-semak berwarna ungu yang menjadi latar dari gambar cerita tersebut. Setelah mencari tau, ternyata tumbuhan itu bernama heather, sejenis tumbuhan berbunga. Lalu, seperti biasanya setiap melihat sesuatu yang saya sukai di dalam sebuah gambar, saya selalu berujar dengan innocent: saya ingin melihat itu secara langsung!

Tahun 2017

Januari lalu saya mengambil satu mata kuliah saja yang berlangsung selama satu bulan. Baru tanggal 3 Februari lalu saya dan teman se-segrup melakukan presentasi final. Dalam kuliah ini terselip materi tentang kompetisi tumbuhan di hutan belanda berdasarkan pengaruh siklus nitrogen. Tunggu, saya bukan mau membahas kuliah. Tapi ceritanya saat memberikan materi tentang kompetisi itu, dosen saya menyebut-nyebut heather, saya hanya merasa familiar saja dengan nama itu. Lalu langsung mencoba googling dan ketemu! ah ternyata heather yang ini. Kepala saya pun langsung menyusun rencana untuk berkunjung ke Hoge Veluwe, sebuah taman nasional di belanda demi menuntaskan rasa penasaran saya terhadap heather.

tree climbing berlatarkan heather

Tahun 2016

Beberapa menit yang lalu sebelum menulis ini, saya sedang merapikan folder foto di laptop. Saya membuka salah satu folder berjudul "Wolheze-Nov2016". Folder ini berisi foto-foto saat saya main ke hutan Wolfheze tahun lalu sambil menemani teman melatih kemampuan memanjat pohonnya.

Setelah melihat-lihat sampai zoom-in segala, saya menyadari satu hal. Ternyata saya sudah melintasi padang heather! sudah menyentuh dan memetik heather! Berjalan di setapak yang kiri kanannya heather! oh Tuhan, kemana saja saya? kenapa baru sadar sekarang? Saya memang mendengar teman-teman menyebut-nyebut bahwa tempat yang kami lintasi itu adalah heathland. Dan sudah barang pasti kalau heather tumbuhnya di heathland. Mari tertawakan saya sekarang, saya rela sepenuh hati :')

Jika ingin memaknai, cerita kecil seperti ini pun bisa berarti. Untuk yang satu ini, saya merasa diingatkan lagi: ternyata hidup memang penuh dengan kejutan-kejutan menyenangkan, apalagi kalau kita tau cara mensyukurinya. Alhamdulillah untuk semuanya.